I started this a few weeks ago.
Well, the enemy (the devil) has been working overtime it seems. Last week, February 8, Trent and I went over to Missoula just to talk to the doctor (surgery was canceled for the 9th) since my sister was here and Trent had already taken the day off. The doctor came in the room and he looked very scary looking. He had gotten a pre-cancerous skin condtion since I had seen him last, just two and a half weeks before. He told us everything he would do to fix my condition and I just sat there in total fear (not realizing it at the time). My husband just took in all the facts and thought it was totally great! Oh my gosh, what a day of DIVISION.
So the next Tuesday, I went to prayer at church, got some godly counsel and realized how much the devil is trying to confuse me on this issue. The ENEMY is the master of schemes and trickery. I thought that doctor was the devil incarnate. Crazy!
Then on Thursday, Trent and I went to see an Ear, Nose, and Throat doctor to get his opinion and he basically said if you feel comfortable with that doctor then do the surgery. Of course he said the cpap machine is the "gold standard", but the "gold standard" doesn't even help me. So much to tell, but long story short, surgery is on for March 1, at 8 a.m., mountain time. I am having a different anesthesiologist, maybe that's a good thing, since the other guy seemed a little intimidating.
My sister said she was going to bring out this pillow that said, "Put on your big girl panties, and DEAL WITH IT". Sometimes we have to do that in life.
Well, it's now March 4 and I don't even want to tell you about last week. Got my sister to come all the way from ND and then I get a cold as she is coming out here. I don't think she'll come out the third time I'll try to do the surgery! The twins are still getting their last molar in, so they definately need momma right now, and I still needed time to prepare. I don't really want to wait a whole other month, but c'est la vie. Surgery is scheduled for April, 6, 2011.
My friend called me today and read me part of Job 5. Something about, "as sure as a spark comes out of a fire, there will be suffering in life." This season will pass, and I will look back and see how God held me through it. I've been thinking of my mom and dad lately, that are both with the Lord. At my mom's funeral, my brother and sister-in-law sang the song from the old Charlotte Web movie, "Chin up". It's a cute song that says, "I'll be on the right side, looking on the bright side..." It's a hard thing when you're in the midst of the valley, but we need to hold on and be thankful for the bright side!
"Hold fast, help is on the way, hold fast, He's come to save the day. What I've learned in my life, one thing greater than my strife, is His grasp, so hold fast." -Mercy me
Friday, March 4, 2011
Thursday, February 3, 2011
decision time
What a crazy few days. On Tuesday, the 1st, I called the hospital here to see if they would send over the sleep study (that I did a week ago) to the surgeon in Missoula (Dr. Taylor). So they got it and then they called me and said to follow up with the sleep doctor (whom I had seen recently that thinks I'm some depressed nutso) and see if he recommends doing surgery. I was kind of confused, I thought the surgeon wanted me to do the surgery and now he's pushing me off to someone else? He never ever pressured me to do it, but I just didn't understand what was going on. I was getting really mad so as I was going into town to pick up my daughter, I called over to Missoula. In my irateness, I said, "Okay, I don't understand why the surgeon is telling me to go see this doctor here who doesn't give a bleep (opposite of shineola) about me when he told me before to stop running around (like to Bozeman, where I got my second opinion) and come talk to him." So I told him I wanted to get orders from Dr. Pascual (Bozeman) instead of Helena, where I did the sleep study. I got a call from her about an hour later and we talked about how the cpap wasn't working and at the end of the conversation she said, "I think you should do it, do the jaw surgery." I was like really? Cool. Funny thing is she never had a copy of my sleep study, which I thought was going to be sent to her and what Missoula was waiting for?? Mix-ups, I tell ya. Later that evening I got a call from my ortho and he said he would Dr. Taylor in the morning and get things worked out. OK.
I can't remember all the calling I did again, but finally they called back from Missoula and said Dr. Taylor wants to talk to your husband about your sleep patterns. They had a good talk, Trent told him about my snoring and hearing me gasp for breath. The doctor told him about the symptoms of sleep apnea: depression, hard time making decision, car accidents, yes, yes, yes (just last month). Then they talked about the success rate and what does that mean? He said people feel the results immediately. Anyway, Trent was feeling good about it, (he already was before) but even more so, after talking to him. So we got it scheduled again for the same time. Trent was so excited, he said to me when he came home, "aren't you excited?" I said, yes, not too convincingly. I just was so emotionally exhausted and physically too, of course.
So later that afternoon I found out the results from the sleep study. She told me that my apneas (waking up) were over three times more than 5 years ago. I asked about keeping the tongue on the roof of the mouth, or an oral appliance and she didn't think that would even help. She said that when I did the MRI scan, I was standing up- only 2mm- so laying down it's probably worse.
All that to say, I learned a lot about myself. When I really want something -how can you really want a surgery?- but when push comes to shove, I really pursue it. So deep down there is a reason. The surgeon was always on board, but I think he wanted me to really know I wanted it and needed it. I don't mind wearing the mask (cpap), when I can get it on, but for some reason I've been lead to do this crazy, radical surgery. Cpap works for most people, and it didn't for me, so it seems God was giving me a sign. I can't tell you the times I've second guessed it, and even today (Thursday), Trent talked to someone and they said to check with an ENT first, which I checked with another one already. But every time I decide again, and again, and again, to do the surgery I have a happiness about me. Man, I don't know how Trent can put up with me.
So some people are saying, surgery, seriously????????? But sometimes you can't listen to what other people think. They have NO idea of what I go through, and, that I have to do what I am lead to do. I was talking to Trent tonight and he said he's excited for me and especially for our family. It's all of us together that needs me to do this. Tonight I was cleaning up and I thought of Psalm 40, as I was going through the muck and the mire of my basement and thinking how God is holding his hand out to get me out of my pit (little Beth in there). Back in September when I went to our church's woman's retreat I gave a testimony about how God makes a way of escape. It has been an incredible journey to hang in there and to realize more and more how much He LOVES us and wants us to wait patiently for him. And, as I said, I've learned it's important jump in with both feet when it's time to go. I swear, light a candle under my butt, and I finally move.
Anyway, that was a lot to write, and I know there are other details I could include, but that's enough for one day, or one night I should say. Love ya g's. Peace out. LOL.
..."I've got some growing up to do"...man, I got to get some Superchick in my head, that stuff speaks volumes, especially when life is hard, last summer I would hike and jam out to that, isn't it incredible how music can speak to you right where your at? OK, I'll end it here. Peace out, again.
I can't remember all the calling I did again, but finally they called back from Missoula and said Dr. Taylor wants to talk to your husband about your sleep patterns. They had a good talk, Trent told him about my snoring and hearing me gasp for breath. The doctor told him about the symptoms of sleep apnea: depression, hard time making decision, car accidents, yes, yes, yes (just last month). Then they talked about the success rate and what does that mean? He said people feel the results immediately. Anyway, Trent was feeling good about it, (he already was before) but even more so, after talking to him. So we got it scheduled again for the same time. Trent was so excited, he said to me when he came home, "aren't you excited?" I said, yes, not too convincingly. I just was so emotionally exhausted and physically too, of course.
So later that afternoon I found out the results from the sleep study. She told me that my apneas (waking up) were over three times more than 5 years ago. I asked about keeping the tongue on the roof of the mouth, or an oral appliance and she didn't think that would even help. She said that when I did the MRI scan, I was standing up- only 2mm- so laying down it's probably worse.
All that to say, I learned a lot about myself. When I really want something -how can you really want a surgery?- but when push comes to shove, I really pursue it. So deep down there is a reason. The surgeon was always on board, but I think he wanted me to really know I wanted it and needed it. I don't mind wearing the mask (cpap), when I can get it on, but for some reason I've been lead to do this crazy, radical surgery. Cpap works for most people, and it didn't for me, so it seems God was giving me a sign. I can't tell you the times I've second guessed it, and even today (Thursday), Trent talked to someone and they said to check with an ENT first, which I checked with another one already. But every time I decide again, and again, and again, to do the surgery I have a happiness about me. Man, I don't know how Trent can put up with me.
So some people are saying, surgery, seriously????????? But sometimes you can't listen to what other people think. They have NO idea of what I go through, and, that I have to do what I am lead to do. I was talking to Trent tonight and he said he's excited for me and especially for our family. It's all of us together that needs me to do this. Tonight I was cleaning up and I thought of Psalm 40, as I was going through the muck and the mire of my basement and thinking how God is holding his hand out to get me out of my pit (little Beth in there). Back in September when I went to our church's woman's retreat I gave a testimony about how God makes a way of escape. It has been an incredible journey to hang in there and to realize more and more how much He LOVES us and wants us to wait patiently for him. And, as I said, I've learned it's important jump in with both feet when it's time to go. I swear, light a candle under my butt, and I finally move.
Anyway, that was a lot to write, and I know there are other details I could include, but that's enough for one day, or one night I should say. Love ya g's. Peace out. LOL.
..."I've got some growing up to do"...man, I got to get some Superchick in my head, that stuff speaks volumes, especially when life is hard, last summer I would hike and jam out to that, isn't it incredible how music can speak to you right where your at? OK, I'll end it here. Peace out, again.
Monday, January 31, 2011
waiting
Well, got the call today that they want to wait. I was thinking, "we still have a week, can't we still keep the date and finish up everything real quick?" But maybe there is a reason. I should be talking to them tomorrow so we'll see what they have to say about my sleep study.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
one more thing or two
I'm also planning on fixing my deviated septum and getting a wisdom tooth out-triple play baby. While they're in there...
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Here you go g's
Pre note: My computer has been on the fritz for the last month or so, so that is why I didn't publish this sooner, or maybe I wouldn't have anyway!
Friday January 21, 2011
'Sup everybody? Hey all you cyberspace people, thought I'd give you some info on my life. For those of you who don't know I've dealt with sleep apnea for a long time, maybe since I was quite young, now that I'm finding more about it. Back in May of last year, I got my braces on, and in telling my doctor about my sleep issues he referred me to an oral surgeon that does surgeries to help with that problem.
I went over to Missoula to see him in June and had a scan that showed that my airway was 2mm at its smallest and 5mm at its largest (should be about 12mm), because of the way my jaws are structured. The doctor told me I could have upper and lower jaw surgery to open up my airway in 6 months when my teeth were more aligned. I was ecstatic, this had a cure rate of 96%. Wow.
So, of course I looked at everything on the internet about the surgery and decided, no, it's too invasive. I have waffled back and forth about it, checking out every option, trying tongue exercises to help my tongue not to fall back in my throat, getting a different mask with my cpap machine, thinking about an oral appliance, etc, and nothing is working. Meanwhile, I'm going nuts and obviously Trent is pulling his hair out (what he has left of it). But, God has been reminding me lately the he is not the author of confusion. The enemy is enjoying me struggle and messing with my head about the recovery and how horrendous it will be (which it might be) BUT...WHO'S GOT THE POWER? G to the O to the D does, his name is JESUS, the mighty counselor!
Well, brothers and sisters that's it in a nutshell. My surgery is scheduled for February 9. I just ran up a little hill tonight by Mt. Helena and I was thinking I can't wait to see what it will be like to have a real full breath! Thanks in advance for all your prayers. And send me some good smoothie and soup recipes!
Oh, and God is working out all the details, (he's great at that!) my sister Cindy is going to stay with the kids so pray for her! I'll be over in Missoula for 4 days which is about 2 hours away.
I wrote this a week ago Friday and after that I talked to a friend and she talked about surgeries and how doctors push them, so I was back to not doing it again. But then on Monday morning I talked to this sleep specialist I saw recently and she said she had just seen a picture of my airway and commented on how small it was and said not to rule out the surgery. So I finally decided to do it, what a relief to make a decision! I had another sleep study done this week and I don't even know the results, but I know how miserable I've been for years and how God seems to have led me to this. I feel like He's telling me to not be a baby and have faith in Him and grow up. Maybe the second time around in braces I'll learn how to be mature. I can dream can't I?
Everything is snowballing here, only a week and a half away until the knife (still on the 9th). It's funny how you wait so long for something to happen and then God just opens all the doors and your there. Last summer I can't tell you how overjoyed I was and thought it was such an answer to prayer (to do the surgery) and then now I've been thinking this wasn't really the answer I wanted. But we'll see, it's maybe a radical thing but my cpap machine hasn't been helping me so I just have to be brave and know that God will heal me and just take it one day at a time.
Anyway, it's been a roller coaster ride. My husband is so excited to get his wife back and I'm excited to get my life back. Are you all excited for 2011? It's such a hurting world and I feel like God wants me to be there for it and not just half alive. I don't know about you, but He's been teaching me a lot this past year. He's amazing. Put me on your prayer lists, I love you all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yours-Sharon Moore, aka Sharona, aka Sharebear, aka Sharoni girl (Bible schools days, long live AFLBS!)
'Sup everybody? Hey all you cyberspace people, thought I'd give you some info on my life. For those of you who don't know I've dealt with sleep apnea for a long time, maybe since I was quite young, now that I'm finding more about it. Back in May of last year, I got my braces on, and in telling my doctor about my sleep issues he referred me to an oral surgeon that does surgeries to help with that problem.
I went over to Missoula to see him in June and had a scan that showed that my airway was 2mm at its smallest and 5mm at its largest (should be about 12mm), because of the way my jaws are structured. The doctor told me I could have upper and lower jaw surgery to open up my airway in 6 months when my teeth were more aligned. I was ecstatic, this had a cure rate of 96%. Wow.
So, of course I looked at everything on the internet about the surgery and decided, no, it's too invasive. I have waffled back and forth about it, checking out every option, trying tongue exercises to help my tongue not to fall back in my throat, getting a different mask with my cpap machine, thinking about an oral appliance, etc, and nothing is working. Meanwhile, I'm going nuts and obviously Trent is pulling his hair out (what he has left of it). But, God has been reminding me lately the he is not the author of confusion. The enemy is enjoying me struggle and messing with my head about the recovery and how horrendous it will be (which it might be) BUT...WHO'S GOT THE POWER? G to the O to the D does, his name is JESUS, the mighty counselor!
Well, brothers and sisters that's it in a nutshell. My surgery is scheduled for February 9. I just ran up a little hill tonight by Mt. Helena and I was thinking I can't wait to see what it will be like to have a real full breath! Thanks in advance for all your prayers. And send me some good smoothie and soup recipes!
Oh, and God is working out all the details, (he's great at that!) my sister Cindy is going to stay with the kids so pray for her! I'll be over in Missoula for 4 days which is about 2 hours away.
I wrote this a week ago Friday and after that I talked to a friend and she talked about surgeries and how doctors push them, so I was back to not doing it again. But then on Monday morning I talked to this sleep specialist I saw recently and she said she had just seen a picture of my airway and commented on how small it was and said not to rule out the surgery. So I finally decided to do it, what a relief to make a decision! I had another sleep study done this week and I don't even know the results, but I know how miserable I've been for years and how God seems to have led me to this. I feel like He's telling me to not be a baby and have faith in Him and grow up. Maybe the second time around in braces I'll learn how to be mature. I can dream can't I?
Everything is snowballing here, only a week and a half away until the knife (still on the 9th). It's funny how you wait so long for something to happen and then God just opens all the doors and your there. Last summer I can't tell you how overjoyed I was and thought it was such an answer to prayer (to do the surgery) and then now I've been thinking this wasn't really the answer I wanted. But we'll see, it's maybe a radical thing but my cpap machine hasn't been helping me so I just have to be brave and know that God will heal me and just take it one day at a time.
Anyway, it's been a roller coaster ride. My husband is so excited to get his wife back and I'm excited to get my life back. Are you all excited for 2011? It's such a hurting world and I feel like God wants me to be there for it and not just half alive. I don't know about you, but He's been teaching me a lot this past year. He's amazing. Put me on your prayer lists, I love you all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yours-Sharon Moore, aka Sharona, aka Sharebear, aka Sharoni girl (Bible schools days, long live AFLBS!)
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