What a crazy few days. On Tuesday, the 1st, I called the hospital here to see if they would send over the sleep study (that I did a week ago) to the surgeon in Missoula (Dr. Taylor). So they got it and then they called me and said to follow up with the sleep doctor (whom I had seen recently that thinks I'm some depressed nutso) and see if he recommends doing surgery. I was kind of confused, I thought the surgeon wanted me to do the surgery and now he's pushing me off to someone else? He never ever pressured me to do it, but I just didn't understand what was going on. I was getting really mad so as I was going into town to pick up my daughter, I called over to Missoula. In my irateness, I said, "Okay, I don't understand why the surgeon is telling me to go see this doctor here who doesn't give a bleep (opposite of shineola) about me when he told me before to stop running around (like to Bozeman, where I got my second opinion) and come talk to him." So I told him I wanted to get orders from Dr. Pascual (Bozeman) instead of Helena, where I did the sleep study. I got a call from her about an hour later and we talked about how the cpap wasn't working and at the end of the conversation she said, "I think you should do it, do the jaw surgery." I was like really? Cool. Funny thing is she never had a copy of my sleep study, which I thought was going to be sent to her and what Missoula was waiting for?? Mix-ups, I tell ya. Later that evening I got a call from my ortho and he said he would Dr. Taylor in the morning and get things worked out. OK.
I can't remember all the calling I did again, but finally they called back from Missoula and said Dr. Taylor wants to talk to your husband about your sleep patterns. They had a good talk, Trent told him about my snoring and hearing me gasp for breath. The doctor told him about the symptoms of sleep apnea: depression, hard time making decision, car accidents, yes, yes, yes (just last month). Then they talked about the success rate and what does that mean? He said people feel the results immediately. Anyway, Trent was feeling good about it, (he already was before) but even more so, after talking to him. So we got it scheduled again for the same time. Trent was so excited, he said to me when he came home, "aren't you excited?" I said, yes, not too convincingly. I just was so emotionally exhausted and physically too, of course.
So later that afternoon I found out the results from the sleep study. She told me that my apneas (waking up) were over three times more than 5 years ago. I asked about keeping the tongue on the roof of the mouth, or an oral appliance and she didn't think that would even help. She said that when I did the MRI scan, I was standing up- only 2mm- so laying down it's probably worse.
All that to say, I learned a lot about myself. When I really want something -how can you really want a surgery?- but when push comes to shove, I really pursue it. So deep down there is a reason. The surgeon was always on board, but I think he wanted me to really know I wanted it and needed it. I don't mind wearing the mask (cpap), when I can get it on, but for some reason I've been lead to do this crazy, radical surgery. Cpap works for most people, and it didn't for me, so it seems God was giving me a sign. I can't tell you the times I've second guessed it, and even today (Thursday), Trent talked to someone and they said to check with an ENT first, which I checked with another one already. But every time I decide again, and again, and again, to do the surgery I have a happiness about me. Man, I don't know how Trent can put up with me.
So some people are saying, surgery, seriously????????? But sometimes you can't listen to what other people think. They have NO idea of what I go through, and, that I have to do what I am lead to do. I was talking to Trent tonight and he said he's excited for me and especially for our family. It's all of us together that needs me to do this. Tonight I was cleaning up and I thought of Psalm 40, as I was going through the muck and the mire of my basement and thinking how God is holding his hand out to get me out of my pit (little Beth in there). Back in September when I went to our church's woman's retreat I gave a testimony about how God makes a way of escape. It has been an incredible journey to hang in there and to realize more and more how much He LOVES us and wants us to wait patiently for him. And, as I said, I've learned it's important jump in with both feet when it's time to go. I swear, light a candle under my butt, and I finally move.
Anyway, that was a lot to write, and I know there are other details I could include, but that's enough for one day, or one night I should say. Love ya g's. Peace out. LOL.
..."I've got some growing up to do"...man, I got to get some Superchick in my head, that stuff speaks volumes, especially when life is hard, last summer I would hike and jam out to that, isn't it incredible how music can speak to you right where your at? OK, I'll end it here. Peace out, again.
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